I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
only you would photoshop your dick
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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