Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
