I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
