How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
