yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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