My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
