hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
