You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
