she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
