I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
