she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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