I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
