i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
