i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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