I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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