Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
two words...techno handjob
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
