i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
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New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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