The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
