I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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