I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
