I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
wanna go halves on a baby?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
