I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
