her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
