im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Found your dick twin last night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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