My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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