You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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