hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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