I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
