Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
