I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
