I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
