I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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