the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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