so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
