quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
