im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
