I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
