New invention idea: vibrating tampons
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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