Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
