chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
