I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
