I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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