so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
