Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize