best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
