I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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