So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
