Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
