I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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