woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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