Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
well you can't waste a boner
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
