I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
