At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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