when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
