Are we in a gay sports bar?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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