Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
