Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Randomize