Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
