I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
