Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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