is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
