I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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