so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
