You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
