I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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