My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
