TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
