Just mADE A PArabola og urine
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
