No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
