you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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