I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
