when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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