There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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