Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
