i think i have two assholes
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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