Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
