Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
