I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
