Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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